Reflection: "Open" by Andre Agassi

Que lindo es sonar despierto

"Que lindo es sonar despierto...How lovely it is to dream while you are awake...Anybody can dream while they're asleep, but you need to dream all the time and say your dream out loud, and believe in them."

I was struck reading Andre Agassi's autobiography by how clearly, belief, in ones self, in the method and in the cause determined the outcome of Agassi's games throughout his career. Agassi repeatedly describes how lonely the game of tennis is "there's no where to hide when things go wrong. No dugout, no sideline, no neutral corner. It's just you out there naked." I couldn't help but think how a leadership journey is similarly lonely and fraught with a tenuous reliance on self belief. For if you don't believe then why would anyone follow you and how can you ever expect to be an inspiration to others.

Leadership puts you front and center. It is exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure. I recently observed of myself to a friend that 'people seem to follow me even when I am not consciously cultivating a following'. This behavior is something I need to be aware of because the loneliness which comes with leadership needs to be conscious or you put the relationships around you at risk. The horrible feeling which comes when you have to discipline someone who is a genuinely good person who has made an error. There's potentially whole blog post on what discipline is!

Not only do you have to believe in yourself which is something that in my experience is constantly challenged but you have to maintain your belief in the cause or end goal. It took Agassi most of his career doing something he hated to even figure out what his end goal was, a school which inspires learning. I think it is so important to foster a goal and to speak it out loud. And most importantly to not be afraid to change it. I think it is a totally unrealistic expectation that we place on children and young people to know what they want to do and why they care about that thing. The definition of the goal itself is an essential part of the journey.

For our goal to be something that we can truly believe in and dream out loud it is likely to be something intimately personal. I believe it takes a serious dose of courage to put a voice to these types of dreams. In my experience I have been better at articulating the method not the dream....which means I have had to admit openly to finding a more appropriate method, thus an apparent change of my mind, many times!! Setting up my own consultancy last year and discovering that really my impact can be greater by working within existing programs and organisations is an example of this. In reality the dream hasn't changed but how I am working towards it has.

"Dreams are so damned tiring...I can't promise you won't be tired. But please know this. There's a lot of good waiting for you on the other side of tired. Get yourself tired Andre. That's where you're going to know yourself. On the other side of tired."

This quotation resonated with me because I have these moments, where I don't want to engage in the world I have built for myself. In fact often I want to do the opposite. Agassi built a team of people around himself to ensure that when he had these moments he had solid places to turn, not to have his dream shoved in his face but to have an open safe conversation about whether the dream had changed, what it had become and whether the path had shifted. I think in the world of leadership an equally strong and diverse team is critical. Identify these people in your life, cultivate a relationship with them and don't be afraid to add or tweak the team based on what you need at the time.

Thought of the day: Personal happiness as an eco-system

I had wine with a good friend who extended my eco-system analogy to describe his nirvana. 

I think the theory is contingent on coming from a place where everyone is well intentioned and good at the core of their person. As Robert Deniro says "I don't play bad guys. I play people who make choices that are different from other people's". So coming from a premise of good we must work to understand why each person in their unique combination of circumstances makes the decisions they do. And if we can't understand at least we have respect that that was right for that person at that time in that circumstance.

From there we theorised that, with so much available to stimulate us and so much expectation of a benefit on every experience, perhaps the answer to happiness is to build an eco-system where each experience or enagament is balanced or balances an element of another. And in this way create create an equilibrium for ourselves which is happiness. As such we should make decisions and choose to engage with people and experiences who positively contribute to balancing and maintaining our own personal eco-system. For example when I bought a new puppy recently my nephew said to me that he wasn't sure if he could love Mimi because he loved his cat, we discussed that there is no quota for love, we don't run out and it can be shared with out loosing any of its power. Do we forget this along the way? Do we apply it to all parts of our lives?

What might this approach do for the way you love, relate, play, work, travel?

Who are you mirroring when you lead?

Any parent can tell you that we are born mimics. It's how we learn, I acknowledge not the only way, but a very primal very inate method. So when attending a UN Women's breakfast entitled "Driving Gender Diversity in the Workplace" and listening to Julie McKay Executive Director of UN Women Australia I was struck. Julie commented that female leaders are told "don't act like a man you're too masculine, but don't act like a woman either because then you be perceived as weak".

I have personally experienced and continue to experience this dichotomy in my leadership journey. And I am far from alone. You only have to look to the media and their commentary on female politicians hair, shoes or clothing to see the effects of this in action. 

As to my personal experience. In my first professional leadership position as a front line manager I began as the only female manager in the factory, with approx 15 peers and over 500 staff of whom less than a handful were female. It was a unionised workforce with many of the old school union behaviours, aggression, swearing, heavy drinking, and a general dislike of any kind of authority still prevalent in day to day interactions. 

The dominant leadership style at the time was one of aggression and demonstrations of power. 

As my career progressed and because of my personality (I love a robust argument) I was perceived as too masculine and aggressive. It took me to completely remove myself from that environment to understand how I was missing any alternatives in the behaviour around me. There was no diversity in the styles I was observing. 

I am a stronger more confident leader as a result of those experiences and my style continues to evolve. We a built to mimic to fit in, for safety, it is a hard thing to teach how to reject the behaviour being demonstrated in your immediate sphere. This is exacerbated when those exhibiting it have stopped accepting their own style and see it as an afront when reflected in you.

I hope that by sharing my experience young female leaders can be encouraged early and often to expose tthemselves to a variety of styles in a variety of settings. Collect, treasure, analyse both what you are observing and your own reflection of see behaviours.

UN Women whitepaper 'Re thinking Merit'